Yikes!

This soft serve-esque, moderately anatomically correct portrayal of intestines is the existential excrement from which the life of your fast-food experience grows. More literally, these are your McNuggets.

Whoops! That's what you want credit for!

And finally, I give you this article on Senator Jim DeMint (Republican, as will become evident) from South Carolina (home of the bat-shit insane), from the prestigious Spartansburg, S.C. newspaper, with color commentary:

"During his roughly 45-minute speech during a Greater Freedom Rally at First Baptist North Spartanburg, DeMint said he's become an outcast in Washington — most recently standing up against a $400,000 congressional earmark to study dredging the port of Charleston. It's an earmark that his colleague Sen. Lindsay Graham supports and a stand that South Carolina chef and cookbook author Nathalie Dupree said convinced her to enter the congressional race as a write-in candidate."

"DeMint said supporting the earmark is like an alcoholic only wanting one more drink and afterward saying he has quit."

God knows, I'm no fan of dredging. I mean, don't even get me started. So, I'm with you on this one, bro. But I do find the whole alcoholic after his or her last drink analogy a bit flawed. Don't worry though, I will join your writing staff at a very reasonable rate, considering our shared hatred of the beastly and highly controversial practice of dredging. We're still on the same page here.

“People are beginning to see that there's no way we can pay the interest on our debt and every week, we're borrowing money to pay the debt we have and are creating new programs that are costing more money,” he said. “Hopefully in 2012, we'll make headway to repeal some of the things we've done, because politics only works when we're realigned with our Savior.”

Okay, I think we need to work on your basic understanding of economics here, but we'll get there. Once I'm your chief of staff, we'll get this all sorted out. I think you should, however, immediately cool it on the "Savior" business, because you're freakin' me out a little bit there. But that's okay, every relationship has its rough patches, and I'm confident that we can overcome this with some quality couples counseling.

DeMint said if someone is openly homosexual, they shouldn't be teaching in the classroom and he holds the same position on an unmarried woman who's sleeping with her boyfriend — she shouldn't be in the classroom.

“(When I said those things,) no one came to my defense,” he said. “But everyone would come to me and whisper that I shouldn't back down. They don't want government purging their rights and their freedom to religion.”

You know, I'm going to unfortunately have to say fuck off now. I mean, I just don't think I can be associated with someone with such low moral fiber. I mean, first off, this country decided sexism wasn't okay decades ago (in case you missed the lack of a mention of unmarried, sexually active male teachers on that list of the morally incorrigible). Secondly, even this backwards country of ours is realizing that homophobia ain't so great either. And thirdly, THIS WASN'T EVEN OKAY IN THE 70's! This is clearly an abusive relationship, and I'm going to have to put a stop to it here. Lots of luck in your delusional cocoon of hatred, buddy (Although, the part about people not wanting the government "purging their rights" was pretty good, I'll admit. Maybe you don't need me to help you with your writing after all)!