practice cop, drummers, pot brownie

If the devil played drums he'd practice so fucking much it would be ridiculous. he'd get sweaty and take a breath and just keep fuckin goin. he wouldn't give a shit that it's totally annoying for everyone else. practice is important, and the devil knows that. i never practice anymore. no one wants to listen to it, ya know? boom bop booom bop bop bop. even reading that aloud is annoying. i have a confession: i play the drums. the drums were my first instrument and i was a drummer. like, only a drummer. ugh.... it's really embarrassing to admit because i play guitar and write these days and i totally hate drummers. learning to play guitar made me way better at the drums. if all drummers would play only the guitar or the piano or some chordal instrument for a few months bands would get better. drummers have to be at least 60% of the annoyance for any band we play with. drummers have no etiquette, they take their shirts off, they have to make sure everything is set up by playing in loud bursts or spasms before the show even starts, they make drummer face, they have too many cymbals, they have piercings and mohawks, they hit the bell of the ride and then the open hi-hats. what's with that? ting* shhhhhh. like that's the only thing to play during a quarter note rest. oh and if they sing, oh jesus, if they sing the mic stand gets so embarrassingly long it looks like a dick joke. all this and more gives me serious second-hand embarrassment.
that's why we started pot brownie. pot brownie is the best fucking band in the world. we don't have any songs, only rules, and you can fucking bet that a rule is 'no playing of any instruments until the show starts' and 'no mohawks'. then it's only breakdowns and feedback for about three to ten minutes, depending on the audience/show etc.. once we played a minute and a half. oh and if someone moshes, the show is over. it happened at our second show. we was all 'nope', and that was it.
i think we're gonna start selling pot brownies at shows. it makes sense. maybe throw in a CD for whoever buys one to loose on their way home. and i think we're gonna have a lead singer to just hold an unplugged microphone and headbang, maybe sell our dope for us. oh shit, what if the singer sold the dope only during our set? that'd be the shit!